Some of you may or may not know this, but I do suffer from anxiety and have done from a pretty young age, I suppose when I think back it all spiralled from when I was in primary school as I was bullied pretty badly to the point where I didn’t enjoy school and didn’t want to get out of bed, I would lock myself in the bathroom and just dread the day ahead knowing that at least 3 kids were going to call me names or trip me over or do something that made me feel worthless. Since I was a shy child growing up, the bullies picked up on that and tormented me even more because they knew I wouldn’t speak up or stand up for myself, due to the fear of being bullied even more.
Ever since primary school my confidence got knocked badly and to this day I still think about it and wonder if I hadn’t been bullied, would my life be different right now since I’d be more confident and want to experience more in life.
Anxiety is a bit*ch because it’s stopped me doing so much, and potentially it has prevented me from enjoying my childhood and teenage years to the fullest because I’d always avoid social events like parties or meetups, I even missed my own graduation because I was petrified of tripping over and having everyone stare at me.
However it’s strange because when I’m faced with a random stranger I have no problems interacting with them, it’s when there’s a family party or some sort of large gathering that’s when my anxiety kicks in, and I can’t physically get up and walk around to talk to anyone, I am only comfortable talking to my fiancé, and close family like my mum, brothers and my nan and grandad, but outside that circle I struggle to communicate, I am not sure why.
Though I know I have come a long way since school and college, I have become a more confident person since having Logan I’m not sure why that is but It’s like whenever he’s with me I feel so relaxed and happy, like I can accomplish anything; I just wish my “anxiety” would let me believe in myself.
A quote that I like:
“It’s OKAY to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.” – Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass